it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
