I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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