I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
