i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
