i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
