Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We had to coat check the pizza.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
