I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
