Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
