He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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