Reggie can tackle my bush.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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