I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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