did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
