I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just cropdusted the office
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
