she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
