My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Of course I have a pirate flag
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
