I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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