xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
