I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
