I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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