listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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