My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
