he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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