Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
do herpes really smell.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
