don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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