His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
