I can't watch pbs sober anymore
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You need a sexual gate keeper
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
