dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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