At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
