oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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