hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We need a shit load of segways right now
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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