he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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