clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
