she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Pooping to opera.
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