this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
