How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
