Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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