I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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