The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
