Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My ass is underappreciated
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
