i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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