And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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