Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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