i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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