We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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