I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
