The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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