Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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