nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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