dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
