Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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