I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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