well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
