can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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