To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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